the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
