Slut skills are useful in every country.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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