i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
