Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
