im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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