Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Girls should come with a carfax report
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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