i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
be right there i have to get my cape
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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