im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
