Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
