He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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