I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
