she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize