Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
