So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
