I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How external is "for external use only"?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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