Buhtt sex?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
