woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
