All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize