This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
