I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
