its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
