My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
