WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
