Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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