How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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