So drunk its hurt
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
