Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
