we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
