my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
