could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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