hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize