Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
