Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize