The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
