So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
