there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
