Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
