The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
