He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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