They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
