Don't you send me to vm
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
