Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My bed smells like the plague
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
