its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
