moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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