i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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