I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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