so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
