i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
