it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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