she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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