Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
