I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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