my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His nipple licking is glorious
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