Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
