New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
