Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
