Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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