I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
