I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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