The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
