i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
