We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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