I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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