your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
