Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
