Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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