Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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