dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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