Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
