just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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