I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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