Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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