i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
