The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
