Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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